What do you get out of being a father?
Have you noticed that everything is a fight with your child? If yes, then one of three things is happening. Your child, you or both are in a cycle of competitive necessity. What is the need for a cycle of competition?
As beings humans, we are all born with five basic needs that we are genetically programmed to try to answer. They are survival, love and belonging, power, freedom and pleasure. Without going into details the model development described in the book by Nancy Buck, peaceful parents, power and freedom are combined to make the cycle of competitive necessity.
When people are in a competitive market, the cycle of need, they are more strongly motivated by the need for more power and freedom in their lives. With a father and his son, who is usually represented by the father refuses to consider allowing their children to do something. The father tries to meet the energy needs to keep your child safe and the need to move free of the anxiety of wondering about your child while the child is engaged in a prohibited activity.
The child, on the other hand, tries to address the need for food to new experiences and explore the world and meet the need freedom to acquire time away from parental supervision restrictive. When a parent and child are in their cycle of competitive necessity, it is of course a power struggle.
I have four examples of situations and possible solutions if you as parents, they are willing to consider being focus on their needs for cooperation of love and belonging and pleasure in place. Why did you, the parent, you must be in the other meaning? Because it is you who are not satisfied with the situation. whose behavior is being controlled? I hope you understand that you can not control the behavior of his two son, I know that you want at certain times. The behavior of the person you can control is yours.
Since you and your child by reading this article, I'm talking to you about what you can do to improve the situation.
Stay focused on changing Your child will lead to frustration and failure of their relationship. You will not succeed in the long-term change in your child. He or she may accept any in your presence, but not required internal motivation to change is necessary for any long-term transformation. By then look at what you have control — How they respond to push his son to meet its needs for power and freedom.
Rebecca
The situation in the first instead, I mean is ten years, Rebecca. Rebecca's parents came to me frustrated by the fact have not succeeded in applying Rebecca sunset it would often be in a bad mood because of the lack of sufficient sleep. They were also waiting for some time to spend some quality time with each other without children around.
After evaluating what was really important, parents talked about Rebecca and not to assert its time bedtime. They explained that she could go to bed when he pleased, provided she was able to get up in the morning, go to school and be relatively well with their families. However, there would be a quiet time at home after starting from 9:00. At that time, everyone was be in their own room with a quiet activity.
These parents could not wait to tell me how and it worked! Since Rebecca had no fight with his parents to go to bed she could no longer meet their need to fight with them. Therefore, he started going to bed when she was tired and stopped fighting against sleep. Steve and Mary were able to get to the quiet time for couples all won.
Veronica
The second case is my friend, Denise, and daughter, Veronica. Veronica is 11 years and I wanted to have her hair highlighted like all her friends do, but Denise opposed the idea. In discussing the situation with Denise I realized she was concerned about maintenance costs and puts highlight the damage that will make a beautiful hair of her daughter after the application starts the chemical at a young age. Of course, Denise explained that none of this to Veronica.
What she said, "No, you are too young to have highlighted hair. The fact that everyone does, does not mean you should. "Sounds familiar? What is suggested is that instead Veronica says her concerns.
Denise began by saying he wanted to return to their conversation about the highlights. Veronica Denise agreed to the original application gives as a birthday gift. But then, asked Veronica what her plan was for maintenance. Denise explained that she has to have the implementation process every two months and cost about $ 60 each time. Denise offered to donate money to help with household chores Veronica Home additional.
Since Veronica had agreed to this before and do not follow through, Denise another question. She said: "Veronica, I know who agreed to perform additional tasks in the past and had not followed. If history repeats itself and does not have the money necessary for the highlights, Are you ready for what your hair looks both to the roots grow? "
She also Veronica spoke with concern for the health of your hair. He said that after putting chemicals in your hair, eleven hours was not good omen for the maintenance of healthy-looking hair in adulthood.
Denise marveled at what happened next. She said that what had been a bloody battle between them for months became a non-issue. Veronica decided she no longer wanted highlights in her hair. It realized that probably will not do your homework to earn the extra money they need and it does not look "strange" hair grows at. It's amazing what happens when we join the resistance of our opponent. This concept has been taught in martial arts in the physical realm for centuries, but it can easily be applied to the mental dimension of parents with the same ease
Carrie
The third scenario involved the horror of a mother when she heard what her daughter had done eight years. This mother, Linda, sent her daughter, Carrie, a swim camp. Carrie had been a swimmer for a long time, but it was the first time I fact has been exposed to more swimmers at the camp.
She has taught them that good will save time in their history is to shave the hair on his body. Now, what might hair one year old eight have? No matter — Carrie was determined to shave the hair everywhere except on the head. Linda with horror, it prohibits.
What Linda cares? It was a multitude of things. First Instead, her daughter was too young to start shaving. Secondly, he feared that if she started to shave, then the hair would grow back very dark and clear. (For course, it is an old wives tale that many of my generation has been exposed to.)
Linda was shocked to learn that, despite its refusal to allow Shaving Carrie, Carrie later went into the bathroom, took a razor and shaving the skin anyway. Incredibly, at its next competition Swimming, had the best time of her short life at that point. Is shaving or help the power of his faith that helped shave? I can not answer issue. However, the fact is that what happened is worse than the initial fear was about shaving Linda Carrie.
If you have listened wishes his daughter Linda and she was ready to consider a request, you may have talked to a pediatrician and learned that his second concern was unfounded. While it might be able to help Carrie to shave safely in place with a razor and monitoring do not.
What parents often do not realize that only because they do not say that your child does not mean that her son dutifully obey. Often "No" means your child will proceed by stealth, without parental consent anyway. In this case, the child does something the father does not approve and the father has no idea and therefore no opportunity to discuss the potential hazards and concerns.
My children and friends
I used to see this a lot when my children were older. They have friends, whose parents were very strict and would not give permission for them to attend parties where alcohol and knew there would be parental supervision. Prima view, this makes sense. What father wants to charge your child to a party without drinking adult intervention, if there is a problem?
However, by refusing permission for the child to go, what I often saw a child has been told his parents that he or she spent the night with a friend. Then The friend told his parents he would stay home the first friend. In essence, what resulted was two children all night I do not know what, without any adult who has information about what was happening.
My approach with my children when they want go to a festival was to discuss things I feared. If you have an explanation of how they would handle problems I'm concerned, I usually allow them go. If they could not cope with certain situations, then not be allowed to go until there was a reasonable plan to answer my concerns.
The main things I was afraid of not drinking and driving. What would they do if offered drugs? What would you if anyone has shown signs of danger of having too? What would you do if the violence broke out or the situation at hand? What would they do and they I do if the party were raided by the police? Over time, we talked about all these situations I believe that my children can handle if they had happened.
This resulted in me having peace of mind and, in general, sufficient information about where my children are and how they would satisfy me. It is an easy way for parents and certainly not a guarantee that their children have always make the best decision.
What it does, however, is that the person stops taking their children to fight in their attempts meet their needs. Maintains strong relationships with your children and most influential. allows you as a parent to discuss the situation and opportunities normally would not have the opportunity to discuss. It also helps children succeed makers decisions, solve problems and anticipate circumstances before they arise.
Ideas for outdoor activities but kept the two children of 7 years?
I care three days a week for seven hours and the mother Both want to keep active as possible, but now it's summer, more than half as bored with all the old games and do not want to leave often.
treasure hunt, obstacle course. The time and they do so again and again to beat his time. Then, rearrange and do it again.
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